my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
