I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
