whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
