Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
