I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
