i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
