just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
