I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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