Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
