dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
