dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
