he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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