just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
