now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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