He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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