There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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