let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
did i just pee glitter
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
