i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
