I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Every concussion has its silver lining
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
