Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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