I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
