what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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