overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
