i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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