i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
babies were throwing up all over the place
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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