seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he puts the penis in happiness.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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