I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
