The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
