Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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