Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
