I'm jealous of your bromance
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
should my penis look like a turkey
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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