I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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