Tell her she can't have a vagina
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
