And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
