what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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