I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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