this beer tastes like vomit already
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
