I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
