i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I wear drunk well.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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