my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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