dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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