remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think my vagina is haunted
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
