The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
