those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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