Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
