This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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