At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
