I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
