Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
