Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
