I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
